You did it.
You went travelling around the world, took a break from the norm, moved abroad and now you’ve come back a changed person. You’ve seen too many things and experienced too much to ever squeeze back into the box of the person you were before.
“So, did you find yourself?” They say, eyes rolling and lips smirking.
I’ve had this from so many people, it’s like the jesting makes them feel less uncomfortable. The all too common “Gap yaah’ impression too. It is pretty funny I guess, and I can see how the whole ‘finding yourself’ thing is pretty cringe.
However, I think there’s something to it.
Did I “find myself”? Well, I guess yeah, technically, if that’s how you want to word it. But I think it goes much deeper than that.
Really, it’s more of an ‘uncovering’ rather than a finding. Removing yourself from the society you grew up in is the epitome of freedom. The freedom to think for yourself and be the person you actually are rather than the one society is constantly pushing on you to be.
Getting away from everything and everyone you know is the ultimate path to dropping the bullsh*t. All those bullsh*t conditioned beliefs we’ve learnt. That we have to look a certain way, act a certain way, speak a certain way, like certain things and dislike others. That feelings are lame but selfies are cool.
It won’t be something that you do once and finish up with either. It’s an ongoing process, but the ‘getting away’ is the part that provides you with the important breakthrough.
It’s actually scary when you become aware of just how conditioned you’ve been. Like sh*t, you can hardly believe you’ve been thinking and acting so small this entire time. Suddenly life is so big. There is so much space to do whatever the hell you want without giving any flyings to those who have an opinion about it. It can also be pretty frustrating too. You’re finally seeing through the bullsh*t but those around you aren’t. You feel like an alien and no amount of trying to explain your viewpoint improves the matter.
What I’ve come to learn in this instance is to be like a flower. A perfume. As you walk on your path some may get a hint of the scent and want to know how they can get some of the good stuff. Others will simply not care….but they’ll still smell it. By ‘smelling good’ aka, standing in your light, you unconsciously give others the permission to be true to themselves too, and that’s the most powerful thing you can do for them.
So from me to you-you did the best goddamn thing you could have ever done for yourself. Don’t let anyone try and make you doubt yourself. More importantly, don’t let yourself shrink back down for the sake of others or what they might think.
Their opinions come from a lifetime of conditioning and your flying too high for that now baby.